This is the essay I just wrote for My isabody challeng. It’s not that great. let me know what you guys think.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. It was time to take back control of my
life. How had I become so lost? In September of 2016, I decided, enough was enough. I
was determined to become healthy, even if it killed me. I started walking every day,
telling myself, “baby steps”. I lost 40 pounds on my own before I made the phone call in
January 2017, to my inspirational friend Sarah, who had been on Isagenix for a few
months. I had been secretly stalking her on social media and I knew I needed help. At
170, I hit a plateau and still had no energy. Never asking for help has always been my
downfall and I have always put others before me. Making Carie a priority and giving her
some self-love was very difficult at first for me to do.
The first day of the rest of my life was filled with so much energy that it was hard
to believe. I had to ask myself, “Is it all just a dream???” No Carie, this is now your
reality and you are so worth it. On the first day on Isagenix, I headed straight to the gym
to meet Sarah. Weightlifting and cardio kickboxing was on that day’s agenda. In my
rush, I neglected to take my morning medication. Sarah was delivering my first box of
products that I ordered from her and I still had doubts about it working. I knew it couldn’t
make my life any worse because the last 10 years had been filled with chronic pain. As
we walked to her car, exhausted from the effects of no pain medications, I ripped open
my magic box and tore into a Lemon Passion Crunch Isalean Bar. It was delicious. I
wasn’t so tired anymore. That same day I took my two dogs for a walk, had a Isagenix
Shake, and went back to the gym with my daughter because I was full of energy. After
the first week, I thought there was no way these products were real. They couldn’t have
changed the way I felt that quick because I had been in a bad place physically and
mentally for so long.Things were so stressful. I was angry at the world and I had lost
myself. I knew I never wanted to lose myself again.
On January 29, my oldest son entered a rehabilitation program for drugs and
alcohol. It was time to focus on my 14 year old daughter, my husband and myself. I
needed to focus on Carie first and it started with stepping outside the box, a challenge.
On February 6, I joined the Isabody challenge. The end date was perfect for me
because it happened to be the 1 year anniversary from my last spine surgery, where I
weighed 210 lbs. I have had 20 surgeries in 10 years, 9 which have been on my spine.
I am at an advanced stage of an incurable disease called diffuse idiopathic skeletal
hyperostosis. In short, it calcifies my ligaments, grows bone spurs on my joints and
sometimes paralyzes me. I have never let it stop me and never will. This challenge was so important for me because it was going to push me to a whole new level.
Having many health issues over the years, I had not been eating properly for a
long time. Breakfast was a meal I avoided. Over the last four months, my lifestyle has
changed I now start my day with an Isalean shake and my ionic supreme (Happy Juice).
In the last 13 years, my family was lucky if I cooked one meal a month because it
caused me so pain. Now, I cook every night and I am so proud of myself.
I have had so many firsts in the last four months, I have stopped counting. I
finally know what I want to be when I grow up; a life coach. I love helping others
become healthy and I’m now doing that every single day; building a team. I want to help
those who suffer from chronic pain and let them know they do not have to live the way I
have lived for the last 12 years. That with a proper nutrition program and exercise,
things can change. I am not saying it is going to be easy, but it is going to be so worth it.
I want to take you from the couch into the land of the living again because that was my
life for so long. When you are lost, I want to help you find your spark. Someone very
special showed me that light in Isagenix and its tribe of people and I want to do the
same for others. I want to help others find their light and let them know, that they too,
can become the best version of themselves. Isagenix has completely changed my life,
in more ways than I ever could have imagined. Most importantly, I have finally found
myself after so many years of feeling so lost and I could not be more thankful for the life
changing opportunities Isagenix has given me. I am loving life and could not be more
excited for what the future holds.
I’m not sure how I’m going to do it yet but I am you going to do it. I will get it done. Not sure how much more I can handle with out falling apart . I think I’m about to break. I’m about to explode inside. I just need to escape. Not that escaping fixes anything but I just feel like I need time to breathe. So I knew that the news wasn’t going to be good news but it sure wasn’t what I expected. I wasn’t expecting that I needed my neck operated on again. I’ll admit that I’m scared. Scared of the unknown. Scared that I won’t continue to be healthy and heal again. But I know that I’m strong so I’ll bounce back. What truly scares me the most is not being able to read and write after my surgery. The last surgery I had it took 3 weeks for me to be able to read and write again .So this time I imagine it will be even longer and I hate being not being able to read and write. It’s the only form of communication I have when I can’t talk . Having that taken away from me, it feels like I lose my power. Maybe I’ll have to take up sign language. So now knowing that I need my neck operated on top of the fact that the next step down from that will be my thoracic spine because that has bone spurs growing into my spinal cord. He also told me that my lower spine has lost all its disc height and there’s no more fluid left. That it’s starting to fuse together on its own there’s nothing they can do about it expect give me some steroid shots for the pain which that’s useless. So I’ll just continue to exercise and do ab workouts to strengthen my muscles so that way all the pressure is not on my bones. It is so hard to stay positive when all of this stress is weighing down on my mind. Which makes the simplest of simplest tasks that much more difficult. My brain is constantly going a hundred miles an hour . I can’t even focus. Then all the stress it puts on my family. What are they going through? What’s in their minds. My husband has a hard time communicating on how he feels which to me is a problem because I really want to know what he thinks about it. Obviously I’m going to go into my next surgery more prepared. Each time I have a surgery I’m more prepared than I was the last time . I have a team of people in place that are amazing. With them I put together my rehab, visiting nurses, my plans, my living will, (in case something happens). I have a medical proxy and I have a pain team in place. At this point I’m stronger than I’ve ever been going into an operation. I feel the healthiest I’ve ever been. My recovery time should be pretty quick. I’m just so scared of the unknown. I’m trying not to focus on the what ifs. How do you explain to your friends what’s going on in your mind. You just can’t. I don’t want to hear the I’m Sorry’s or I feel so bad for you. I don’t want people to Pity Me. I just want to surround myself with positive outgoing people. People who want to strive to do the best they can do when all the odds are stacked against them.
And me being the nut that I am, I asked a neurosurgeon if I can run a marathon. He told me no but I can do 2 to four mile runs a week so I’ll take that. I guess I’m just going to have to live my life like I’m not having the surgery . I’m going to keep planning things like I have a healthy body. I have such a hard time accepting that I’m not normal but I don’t have a normal body. I keep pushing myself and pushing myself to the limits. I’m exhausted every day. Every day I wake up in excruciating pain and I don’t think anyone truly understands what it’s like to be me. It’s so hard trying to take care of my 3 kids and keep my marriage going on top of focusing on myself. Trying to just be happy. I just feel so lost right now
May 15 2017
Setbacks, we all have them and i just had a huge one. It’s so frustrating. I have a goal . I want to become a finalist in something called the isabody challenge. I’ve been working so hard towards it for the last for months and it is only two weeks away.It’s been so difficult.
When you’ve been down and out for so long your body starts to shut down. I only ate once a day for a long time. Sometimes I would go all day without eating . Now I am trying to eat 6 times a day. It is so tough and meal prepping sucks. It kills my back to stand in one spot for long periods of time to cook all that food for the week but I have to find a solution to this issue . I been working on me as a whole. Getting healthier, working out everyday, meeting new people, trying to be a better version of myself while still taking care of my family and animals. Managing everything is crazy and then my setback came in the form of my MRI results.
I can always tell when somethings wrong with my spine. I can tell because my perception of things is off. My body doesn’t work right, its the little things. 2 weeks ago I got into 2 car accidents in one day. They weren’t bad car accident I missed judged pulling into the parking lot by like an inch and then a woman stopped short in front of me as I was pulling out of a side road .She jammed on her brakes to let another car out and I rear ended her. So I knew something was hitting my spinal cord because my reaction time was a few seconds off. But a few seconds could cost me my life .
I didn’t want to go get my MRI results because I’ve been doing so well lately. Its like I finally got a chance of what it feels like to have a healthy lifestyle. A taste of the good. I did not want to ruin that by having another spine operation. So I waited till after I went to strong camp even though I knew that results were in. I’m trying with all my might not to let it get me down. At the end of the day its in the back of my mind weighing on my soul because I know I’m going to need another operation. In my heart I feel like I’m healthy so the recovery shouldn’t be too bad but I know what it entails. I know that now when I wake up I’m not going to be able to read or write and it is going to take longer than last time to come back. It scares the ever living fuck out of me. I just keep pushing the fear out of the way!
I sat in the parking lot of the doctors office with big fat tears rolling down my face as I read the MRI results. My lower back is messed up ,which I already know that and not a big deal. I have a tear in my disc, spinal stenosis, , disc protrusion, some narrowing ,and some other stuff. No big deal everybody has something going on in the lower back. The thoracic spine which I just had an MRI in 2016 and 2015 now states T5-6 disc Protruding, T6-7 mild spinal cord impact with some protrusion. Okay no big deal but here is where it gets tricky, T 11-12 I have already had operated on now went from mild to moderate spinal cord compression with more protruding and bone spurs growing. The cervical spine they could not see because I have so much metal in there already. I will need another test for that. So I find out more results next week when I go to the neurosurgeon. I’m trying not to let it bother me. Just paste on the fake smile . I’m just going to keep on keeping on.