This coming Saturday I am doing my first professional photo shoot to show how far I have come on my health and wellness journey.I am so nervous! Not really sure why, i stood naked today in front of the spray tan lady. That was a little weird. That was also a first for me, spray tan. Not to sure how I feel about that. I think it might be the other girls that are making me nervous. Their nervousness and fears are wearing on me. I bought some incredibly cute outfits. Stuff that I would not normally wear. Even though I am a little scared i am so excited. I have worked so hard for this day. I have been on a week lean down diet. i tried to be as strict as possible but I could have done a little bit better. Pictures to come!
This is the essay I just wrote for My isabody challeng. It’s not that great. let me know what you guys think.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. It was time to take back control of my
life. How had I become so lost? In September of 2016, I decided, enough was enough. I
was determined to become healthy, even if it killed me. I started walking every day,
telling myself, “baby steps”. I lost 40 pounds on my own before I made the phone call in
January 2017, to my inspirational friend Sarah, who had been on Isagenix for a few
months. I had been secretly stalking her on social media and I knew I needed help. At
170, I hit a plateau and still had no energy. Never asking for help has always been my
downfall and I have always put others before me. Making Carie a priority and giving her
some self-love was very difficult at first for me to do.
The first day of the rest of my life was filled with so much energy that it was hard
to believe. I had to ask myself, “Is it all just a dream???” No Carie, this is now your
reality and you are so worth it. On the first day on Isagenix, I headed straight to the gym
to meet Sarah. Weightlifting and cardio kickboxing was on that day’s agenda. In my
rush, I neglected to take my morning medication. Sarah was delivering my first box of
products that I ordered from her and I still had doubts about it working. I knew it couldn’t
make my life any worse because the last 10 years had been filled with chronic pain. As
we walked to her car, exhausted from the effects of no pain medications, I ripped open
my magic box and tore into a Lemon Passion Crunch Isalean Bar. It was delicious. I
wasn’t so tired anymore. That same day I took my two dogs for a walk, had a Isagenix
Shake, and went back to the gym with my daughter because I was full of energy. After
the first week, I thought there was no way these products were real. They couldn’t have
changed the way I felt that quick because I had been in a bad place physically and
mentally for so long.Things were so stressful. I was angry at the world and I had lost
myself. I knew I never wanted to lose myself again.
On January 29, my oldest son entered a rehabilitation program for drugs and
alcohol. It was time to focus on my 14 year old daughter, my husband and myself. I
needed to focus on Carie first and it started with stepping outside the box, a challenge.
On February 6, I joined the Isabody challenge. The end date was perfect for me
because it happened to be the 1 year anniversary from my last spine surgery, where I
weighed 210 lbs. I have had 20 surgeries in 10 years, 9 which have been on my spine.
I am at an advanced stage of an incurable disease called diffuse idiopathic skeletal
hyperostosis. In short, it calcifies my ligaments, grows bone spurs on my joints and
sometimes paralyzes me. I have never let it stop me and never will. This challenge was so important for me because it was going to push me to a whole new level.
Having many health issues over the years, I had not been eating properly for a
long time. Breakfast was a meal I avoided. Over the last four months, my lifestyle has
changed I now start my day with an Isalean shake and my ionic supreme (Happy Juice).
In the last 13 years, my family was lucky if I cooked one meal a month because it
caused me so pain. Now, I cook every night and I am so proud of myself.
I have had so many firsts in the last four months, I have stopped counting. I
finally know what I want to be when I grow up; a life coach. I love helping others
become healthy and I’m now doing that every single day; building a team. I want to help
those who suffer from chronic pain and let them know they do not have to live the way I
have lived for the last 12 years. That with a proper nutrition program and exercise,
things can change. I am not saying it is going to be easy, but it is going to be so worth it.
I want to take you from the couch into the land of the living again because that was my
life for so long. When you are lost, I want to help you find your spark. Someone very
special showed me that light in Isagenix and its tribe of people and I want to do the
same for others. I want to help others find their light and let them know, that they too,
can become the best version of themselves. Isagenix has completely changed my life,
in more ways than I ever could have imagined. Most importantly, I have finally found
myself after so many years of feeling so lost and I could not be more thankful for the life
changing opportunities Isagenix has given me. I am loving life and could not be more
excited for what the future holds.
Last night my daughter and I are sitting in the car after the gym. I asked her if I could post on Facebook that we just had a great workout. As I turned to look at her all the sudden I had a muscle spasm in my neck. I usually get them when I yawn and they last for about 10 seconds. I can’t breathe and it is weird as fuck. This all started happening after I had one of my spine surgery spine surgery 2 years ago. It’s usually no big deal. Last night was horrendous. My face muscles froze up as well as neck my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t talk and it seemed like it lasted forever. The tears started rolling down my eyes. At this point I don’t know what to do so I panicked. I grabbed onto my daughters arm and squeeze tight with all my might. She started to panic and asked me if she should call Dad. I couldn’t even respond. I felt hopeless and helpless. I never want my daughter to feel that way. It probably only lasted for 30 seconds but it seemed like hours in my mind. When it stopped it felt like I’ve been underwater for five minutes because I was gasping for air. My neck and face hurt so bad it felt like someone choked me out. I felt on fire. I had to sit in the car for a few minutes and regroup. I didn’t even want to drive I was scared to turn on the car. What if I happens again when I’m driving home down the road with my daughter and I killed someone, us. The doctors told me that things like this we’re going to start happening to me and I didn’t want to believe them. Well it’s happening and it’s scaring the fuck out of me. I made it home safe and sound. I took a deep breath of fresh air when I pulled into the driveway. I sent my daughter into our house to get my husband and then I broke down in the car. I sobbed my eyes out. I’m scared. I’m scared of the unknown. I’m scared of what will happen. Today as I sit here typing this, my throat hurts. It’s so sore. It hurt all morning as I talked to people. I just want to go crawl in my bed and hide. But instead I got up. I went to the gym and now I’m going to get some work done. No one really knows what goes on with me on a daily basis. I hide it all. I even hide a lot from my husband. Does he see the silent tears that roll down my face as we lay there in the darkness at night? Does he hear my plea for help from a highpower? I paste a fake smile on and I act like there’s nothing wrong. When really inside I’m dying a little each day. I’m trying to make the best out of it. Trying not to let anyone see the broken me. At the same time I’m trying to fix myself it’s so confusing. Brick by brick I am trying to build myself back up. I am always in fight or flight mode.
We are having a challenge for the the next four weeks in the group that I belong too. I love our challenges. We work on our mind, body, and soul. I forgot how competitive that I am.. At first I was competitive with others, now I just love competing with myself. Challenging myself to a higher level each time. It is so amazing to keep digging deeper into myself. It helps me grow into the person that I have yet to become. Everyone in our group is simply amazing. No one person is on the same journey but yet we all have something in common. My tribe of people has begun to grow and its up lifting to watch other people flourish. I love helping people.
I wrote this on May 17 2017.
Today is my one year anniversary from my last Spine surgery. I thought it was going to be tomorrow but it’s not. I had a t7_8 mammoplasty something and a right T 7-8 something something. Hahaha it is all a foreign language to me. They put some micro titanium plates down my spine and cut out the nerves in my middle back . All I know is I woke up with 30-plus staples going down my back and he said it would take a year to heal. Exactly a year before that I had a cervical surgery and a shoulder surgery a month before. Each time I wake up from surgery it takes me about 2 weeks to get my reading and writing back it’s crazy. This morning I went to the gym with my friend Blanche. It was an awesome way to start the day. What a killer workout we had . Today when I took the picture after we were done I just could not believe it’s actually me. I’m still in shock. I’m still in awe. I’m doing better than I ever thought I would. Although I know right now I have some more stuff I need done. I’m not going to worry about it . I’m just going to Keep On Keeping On.
I took you with me little bird!!! Your wings were clipped to soon. Don’t worry I carried on my back and held on to you with all my might. I thought of you every step of the way. You smile, your laughter your tears your never ending pain don’t worry little bird I have your back. I did not let you down my friend. I did what you could not but would have.. Don’t worry I will make him proud. I have your back little bird, I will take away his frown. I will make sure he knows how hard you fought but that you had to go. Just know you are always with me little bird I will never let you down.
I LOVE YOU JESS!!!!
Nervous! No not me, Never. Well maybe a little. I have never been to A strong camp for a fitness magazine before and this weekend is approaching so fast. I have never been this healthy before. This Month of May is holding so many first for me. 7 more days until I turn 40, 14 more days until its my one year anniversary from my last spine surgery. It is the one year anniversary where I decided that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Here I am thinking am I prepared enough for the weekend to compete against myself. You know deep down inside each women there will be competing with each other, while cheering one another on!! It is all about self growth and empowering one another . Granted I am going with a super power of women. The toughest part is that you will learn where you are the weakest. Who want to be told they are weak, let alone have to work on it with a bunch of other women… I hate being weak.. But in order to grow you must work on ones whole self and that is what I am going to do while we will be photographed and filmed by the man who does the Playboy centerfolds… OKAY yeah now if that does not put you on the spot nothing will. I know myself, I am going to rock the fuck out of this weekend. I will push myself like I have never done before. I will succeed. Failure is not an option. And if I do fail , I will just pick myself up and do it again until I get it right.