It’s hard to trust someone or the system when you’ve built up walls for so many years. I’m learning though. In order to get to my next goal I have to put my trust in someone else for the next 8 weeks. Luckily she’s an incredible person. Little by little I’m learning to conquer this. I know I can do it.
I decided that I’m going to do a fitness competition before my spine surgery on December 5th. I’m so excited but I’m also so scared. It’s a goal that I’ve always wanted to do but I’ve never had the opportunity before now. They say you don’t grow unless you push yourself out of your comfort zone so that’s what I’m doing. I’m so uncomfortable. I better grow real fucking big 😂😂😂… yesterday I tried a 45 minute HIT cardio workout for the first time. I smashed the shit out of it. It consisted of a lot of running, jump lunges and walking .I didn’t think I’d be able to do it because my body hurts so bad haha I did it. It’s amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it. This morning when I got up my everything hurts but that’s nothing new to me it’s like that everyday it just hurts a little more today.
Things that have been the toughest so far are sticking to the meal plan exactly and drinking that damn gallon of water everyday. You wouldn’t think drinking water would be so hard but it is. OMG I’m walking around in heels for the posing that just straight up sucks. So awkward I really think that men need to walk around in those heels.
I didn’t realize how many people are watching me .How many people I inspire. I really just want to show my daughter that you can do anything you just have to believe.
When you’re in pain something so simple as taking a walk with the dogs is such a big decision. I woke up this morning and my everything hurts. I know lately I’ve been overdoing it I always overdo it. As I sit here drinking my morning coffee I’m debating whether or not to go back to bed or go for the walk. At 40 years old I shouldn’t have to get out of bed every morning and hurt so bad.
As I took a picture this morning to send to my friend , she wanted to see how my spray tan came out, I saw a how flawed my body was. I was a spray tan virgin until I had my cherry popped yesterday😂😂😂. As you can imagine from having all the surgeries that I’ve had I’m full of scars and my body is disproportionate. When you look at me my left side of my body it is higher than the right .It bothers me because it makes one of my breasts hang lower than the other. In the scheme of things it really doesn’t matter because I can still walk. As a woman mentally sometimes it fucks with my head. It’s because I am missing ribs on the right side and I have a titanium one this makes me off kilter. Everytime I look in the mirror I focus on that horrible year in my life of the operations ,rehabs, suffering and infections. I need to make new memories which I’m trying to do. It’s not like when I see the stretch marks on my belly and I think wow I have two beautiful children and I’m blessed. And although my back is scarred from one end to the other I don’t see it that often. I think it’s ugly but I’m starting to replace it with beautiful muscles. Body Images something that I struggle with because it was ingrained in my mind as a child from my father that you had to be perfect and I was just never good enough. Today I’m just blessed I can walk and I’m thankful for the small things in life but this morning when I took that picture it just hit me a little hard. I sometimes wonder what other women have for body image issues. do they see what I see when they look in the mirror?
This coming Saturday I am doing my first professional photo shoot to show how far I have come on my health and wellness journey.I am so nervous! Not really sure why, i stood naked today in front of the spray tan lady. That was a little weird. That was also a first for me, spray tan. Not to sure how I feel about that. I think it might be the other girls that are making me nervous. Their nervousness and fears are wearing on me. I bought some incredibly cute outfits. Stuff that I would not normally wear. Even though I am a little scared i am so excited. I have worked so hard for this day. I have been on a week lean down diet. i tried to be as strict as possible but I could have done a little bit better. Pictures to come!
This is the essay I just wrote for My isabody challeng. It’s not that great. let me know what you guys think.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. It was time to take back control of my
life. How had I become so lost? In September of 2016, I decided, enough was enough. I
was determined to become healthy, even if it killed me. I started walking every day,
telling myself, “baby steps”. I lost 40 pounds on my own before I made the phone call in
January 2017, to my inspirational friend Sarah, who had been on Isagenix for a few
months. I had been secretly stalking her on social media and I knew I needed help. At
170, I hit a plateau and still had no energy. Never asking for help has always been my
downfall and I have always put others before me. Making Carie a priority and giving her
some self-love was very difficult at first for me to do.
The first day of the rest of my life was filled with so much energy that it was hard
to believe. I had to ask myself, “Is it all just a dream???” No Carie, this is now your
reality and you are so worth it. On the first day on Isagenix, I headed straight to the gym
to meet Sarah. Weightlifting and cardio kickboxing was on that day’s agenda. In my
rush, I neglected to take my morning medication. Sarah was delivering my first box of
products that I ordered from her and I still had doubts about it working. I knew it couldn’t
make my life any worse because the last 10 years had been filled with chronic pain. As
we walked to her car, exhausted from the effects of no pain medications, I ripped open
my magic box and tore into a Lemon Passion Crunch Isalean Bar. It was delicious. I
wasn’t so tired anymore. That same day I took my two dogs for a walk, had a Isagenix
Shake, and went back to the gym with my daughter because I was full of energy. After
the first week, I thought there was no way these products were real. They couldn’t have
changed the way I felt that quick because I had been in a bad place physically and
mentally for so long.Things were so stressful. I was angry at the world and I had lost
myself. I knew I never wanted to lose myself again.
On January 29, my oldest son entered a rehabilitation program for drugs and
alcohol. It was time to focus on my 14 year old daughter, my husband and myself. I
needed to focus on Carie first and it started with stepping outside the box, a challenge.
On February 6, I joined the Isabody challenge. The end date was perfect for me
because it happened to be the 1 year anniversary from my last spine surgery, where I
weighed 210 lbs. I have had 20 surgeries in 10 years, 9 which have been on my spine.
I am at an advanced stage of an incurable disease called diffuse idiopathic skeletal
hyperostosis. In short, it calcifies my ligaments, grows bone spurs on my joints and
sometimes paralyzes me. I have never let it stop me and never will. This challenge was so important for me because it was going to push me to a whole new level.
Having many health issues over the years, I had not been eating properly for a
long time. Breakfast was a meal I avoided. Over the last four months, my lifestyle has
changed I now start my day with an Isalean shake and my ionic supreme (Happy Juice).
In the last 13 years, my family was lucky if I cooked one meal a month because it
caused me so pain. Now, I cook every night and I am so proud of myself.
I have had so many firsts in the last four months, I have stopped counting. I
finally know what I want to be when I grow up; a life coach. I love helping others
become healthy and I’m now doing that every single day; building a team. I want to help
those who suffer from chronic pain and let them know they do not have to live the way I
have lived for the last 12 years. That with a proper nutrition program and exercise,
things can change. I am not saying it is going to be easy, but it is going to be so worth it.
I want to take you from the couch into the land of the living again because that was my
life for so long. When you are lost, I want to help you find your spark. Someone very
special showed me that light in Isagenix and its tribe of people and I want to do the
same for others. I want to help others find their light and let them know, that they too,
can become the best version of themselves. Isagenix has completely changed my life,
in more ways than I ever could have imagined. Most importantly, I have finally found
myself after so many years of feeling so lost and I could not be more thankful for the life
changing opportunities Isagenix has given me. I am loving life and could not be more
excited for what the future holds.
We are having a challenge for the the next four weeks in the group that I belong too. I love our challenges. We work on our mind, body, and soul. I forgot how competitive that I am.. At first I was competitive with others, now I just love competing with myself. Challenging myself to a higher level each time. It is so amazing to keep digging deeper into myself. It helps me grow into the person that I have yet to become. Everyone in our group is simply amazing. No one person is on the same journey but yet we all have something in common. My tribe of people has begun to grow and its up lifting to watch other people flourish. I love helping people.