Chronic pain · Isagenix · Lost · My Journey · Setbacks · Spine Surgery · Surgery · Uncategorized

Setbacks

May 15 2017

 Setbacks, we all have them and i just had a huge one.  It’s so frustrating. I have a goal . I want to become a finalist in something called the isabody challenge. I’ve been working so hard towards it for the last for months and it is only two weeks away.It’s been so difficult.

When you’ve been down and out for so long  your body starts to shut down. I only ate once a day for a long time. Sometimes I would go all day without eating . Now I am trying  to eat 6 times a day.  It is so tough and meal prepping sucks.  It kills my back to stand in one spot for long periods of time to cook all that food for the week but I have to find a solution to this issue .  I been  working on me as a whole. Getting healthier, working out everyday, meeting new people,  trying to be a better version of  myself while still taking care of my family and animals. Managing everything is crazy and then my setback came in the form of my MRI results.

 I can always tell when somethings wrong with my spine. I can tell because my perception of things is off. My body doesn’t work right, its the little things.  2 weeks ago I got into 2  car accidents in one day. They weren’t bad car accident I missed judged pulling into the parking lot by like an inch and then a woman stopped short in front of me as I was pulling out of a side road .She jammed on her brakes to let another car out and I rear ended her. So I knew something was hitting my spinal cord because my reaction time was a few seconds off. But a few seconds could cost me my life .

I didn’t want to go get my MRI results because I’ve been doing so well lately. Its like I finally got a chance of what it feels like to have a healthy lifestyle. A taste of the good.   I did not want to ruin that by having another spine operation. So I waited till after I went to strong camp even though I knew that  results were in. I’m trying with all my might not to let it get me down. At the end of the day its in the back of my mind weighing on my soul because I know I’m going to need another operation.  In my heart I feel like I’m healthy so the recovery shouldn’t be too bad but I know what it entails. I know that now when I wake up I’m not going to be able to read or write  and it is going to take longer than last time to come back.  It scares the ever living fuck out of me.  I just keep pushing the fear out of the way!

I sat in the parking lot of the doctors office with big fat tears rolling down my face as I read the MRI results. My lower back is messed up ,which I already know that and not a big deal. I  have a tear in my disc, spinal stenosis, , disc  protrusion, some narrowing ,and some other stuff. No big deal everybody has something going on in the lower back. The thoracic spine which I just had an MRI in 2016 and 2015 now states T5-6  disc Protruding, T6-7 mild spinal cord impact with some protrusion. Okay no big deal but here is where it gets tricky, T 11-12 I have already had operated on now went from mild to moderate spinal cord compression with more protruding and bone spurs growing.  The cervical spine they could not see because I have so much metal in there already.  I will need another test for that. So I find out more results next week when I go to the neurosurgeon. I’m trying not to let it bother me.  Just paste on the fake smile . I’m just going to keep on keeping on.

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